littleinsights.com

One year ago today I received a phone call from my sister.  Our dad was in the hospital. He had suffered a heart attack.  I prayed like crazy that night.  I prayed for healing for  our dad.  That healing never came.  In fact it was just the opposite.  That heart attack took his life.  At only sixty years old, our dad had passed away! 

I cannot tell you how hard it was to receive this news.  My dad and I had made amends just over a month before his death.  Even though our relationship had seen its fair share of hurdles I never stopped loving him.  I was sometimes hurt, sometimes angry....but I always loved him. 

I am still just as shocked and saddened on this one year anniversary of his death as I was when I heard the news!  This isn't news to those people that are close to me.  I have never handled loss very well.  In fact, when my Auntie died (when I was a young girl) I pretended that she had taken a long vacation that was far, far away! I didn't accept the fact that she had died for many years!  Somehow it was just easier to pretend that she was partaking in some fantastic adventure versus facing the reality that I would not see her again in this lifetime.  (Because even as an adult I still like to believe that one day I will see my loved ones again)

I don't know how or when it ever really gets any easier....or even if it ever really gets any easier.

I do know that I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to make amends with my dad before he passed away.  Each and every day I cherish my family even more than I did the day before! ...And I know that while my dad wasn't really ready for his journey in this life to be over, he is at peace.