littleinsights.com

It Wasn't Always Sunshine and Happiness

So....I write a very public blog, yet I have kept quiet about one of my darkest hours.  I have failed my readers to a certain extent by not sharing how I recovered from the darkest time in my entire life.  After Tori was born and we nearly lost her, I suffered with anxiety, which more closely resembled post traumatic stress disorder.  My mind was set on replay, constantly replaying the day that she was born and the horrific experience that we all had in the hospital. 

I was strapped down to the operating room table earlier that April morning, excited to meet my baby girl.  Our baby girl.  The c-section went well.  She was lifted from my body, cried out, which as any mom knows is the best sound to our ears.  The room fell silent of those cries, and was instead filled with meaningless chatter amongst the people who filled my operating room.  My precious girl was placed in the isolette, not crying, not breathing.  I lay there, helplessly as time stood still.  Not a soul in the room moved in to resuscitate her, though medical professionals filled the room.  I can see their bodies, moving about the room, hear the meaningless chatter and see them all doing NOTHING, just as though it were yesterday, even though 12 years have since past.

So, how does one move beyond those moments – move through those moments?  How does someone see the beauty in those moments where time seems to stand still and fly by simultaneously?  How do you see the silver lining?

I have always been a dreamer.  A realist, but a dreamer.  I knew the life I wanted, the life I wanted for my children.  The circumstances surrounding Tori’s birth paralyzed me for almost a year.  There was an adjustment period – hospital stays, surgeries on my baby girl, the fear that people would ‘feel sorry for us’, the fear that others would not understand the scope of what it is to raise a child with specific special needs.  One of my most thought provoking moments came when I realized that the mere thought of a “NORMAL CHILD” did not exist.  I started viewing everyone as though we all have special needs.  I, in my three-plus decades of life had yet to meet a “normal” person.  Define normal???

 Instead of feeling the need to question what happened and persecute those who did not step into action I realized that my life, our life was best spent finding and keeping our happiness and our sense of normalcy in our home and in our hearts.  Once upon a time everything mattered…then I realized that what really mattered was finding out how to live our best life and giving Tori and our other children the best life ever.

So how do you pull yourself from the grips of anxiety and begin to live?

I read about anxiety and I read about natural cures for anxiety.  I knew the hold that anxiety had on me.  I was scared beyond belief that one day I would put my baby girl down to sleep and that I would awake, yet she would not.  I read.  And read.  And read.  That fear paralyzed me, to the point that to this day I remembered that fear.  In that fear I was unable to live.  I went through the motions.  I was a great mom and wife, but I failed to live.  In that moment of weakness I turned to medication for anxiety.  It wasn’t good enough for the life that I wanted for my family.  Those medications often leave you feeling like you are in a daze.  You can complete all of your tasks and responsibilities, but you don’t feel as aware.  I hated that feeling and knew that something had to change. 

I realized that the only way for me to move through this fear was to play my worst nightmares out in my head.  I visualized thoroughly, my worst fears.  I realized my strengths and my weaknesses.  I realized that, though many in those first few years questioned things like prognosis’, goals, milestones, those thoughts no longer consumed me. 

I realized that in my ability to ‘live’ I was able to think more clearly, free from the anxiety that once tore my heart to pieces.  I was able to breathe without the tightness in my chest and breathe clearly.  I realize that beyond my control was the control that saved Toria on the day that she was born.  I remembered that in this life there is something much bigger than me.  My job was to be a mom, the best mom – And wife, the best wife that I could be.  The rest is written in the stars.

We all leave behind a legacy – much like the books with alternate endings.  In my darkest moments I was not choosing my ‘Happily Ever After’.  I realized that, though we can control so very little we should, with happy hearts and wisdom choose to live our best lives, free from the grips of moments in life that we cannot control – That we cannot change.

To those of you that have struggled, are struggling, will struggle.  I know that pain.  Remember, in your darkest moment that there is a legacy and life that is yours to live. <3

What does it mean when you can't make heads or tails of it all?

When you see the disturbed,

their downward spiral,

head-spinning toward the depths of hell.

Toward the depths of hell.

When man destroys its own

...and the dreams of others.

When hearts stop beating...

....for no apparent reason.

No letters left behind.

No wrongs to be made right.

All the questions as to why....

others must pay the price...

For the injustices you faced in your life.

Life.

It's about choices.

And help when things go wrong.

Leaning on others in your darkest day.

Loving...and learning to pray.

Waiting for the moment for your awakening.

Seeking up when you feel down.

Rising up when you are on the ground.

Realizing your self-worth when all-else fails.

Stopping the senseless violence.

You'll not die a martyr for your useless cause....

Targeting the innocent.

Your life, your point....a moot loss.

In your downward spiral you have wasted your space.

Taking the life of an innocent face.

It is them that will be remembered, while yours is a disgrace.

Your cause....just a waste...just a waste....

©LittleInsights2012

I am standing here at the edge of the Earth

Where the land melts into the sea

In disbelief at what this world has come to be

Children turned beggars

Hungry.

Hun-gry.

Crying in solace

As the crops, they die

Tainted by greed

It's what lies within

The powers that be --

Their hands washed with sin

Taking bribes.

Letting businesses win

while children suffer

suffering within.

Their wretched hearts have turned to stone--

Blood runs cold.

Their blood runs cold,

with pockets filled.

Yet children starve

and do without

without a doubt.

So why should this be?

Why does this have to be?

Oh mercy,

Mercy,

Mercy me.

Why, oh why does this have to be?

©Stephanie/LittleInsights2012

On the 18th my hubs and I enjoyed a fabulous date night, complete with dinner at Kita, Japanese restaurant  (http://www.kitawoodlands.com/) where I had their fantastic Ahi Tuna Steak while my hubs chose their braised leg of lamb.  Both dishes, while as different as night and day were absolutely fabulous.  If you haven't tried them, I highly recommend popping in to try one of their many fantastic menu items.

After dinner, we enjoyed a nice walk along the Woodlands Waterway and a bottle of Dreaming Tree (http://www.dreamingtreewines.com).  All of the wines are outstanding, but our favorite has to be "Crush".  It is a warm, blended red wine that is extremely smooth on the palate an pairs easily with any meal or enjoy alone.

Opening for The Dave Matthews Band this year was Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic  Zeroes.  Although we opted for a walk and  a  glass of wine their performance was easily heard from outside the pavilion.  Their music is pretty damn good, I must admit.  If you haven't checked them out you should.

The hubs and I had a little chuckle as we waited in line to enter the pavilion as we watched everyone pass through their security.  Each person entering was asked to turn around, turn out their pockets, open their purses...  The guy in front of us was less than enthused.  To lighten the mood I told him to enjoy it, just take it all in, savor that moment. My hubs kindly reminded him that the search could involve a rubber glove.  The guy said that he thought we lived in America, land of the free.  "That was years ago, those days are gone.", I reminded him.  It is what it is. 

I love the energy in the air as Dave Matthews takes the stage.  This band plays and conveys their message with such passion and conviction.  You feel EVERY. SINGLE. beat, EVERY. SINGLE. word.  EVERY SINGLE ounce of passion that they pour into each performance. 

This years set list at Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavillion included:

Opening-

1. Big Eyed Fish

Followed by-

2. Funny the Way It Is

3.  Grace Is Gone

4.  Eh Hee

5.  Seven

6.  #41

7. Beach Ball

8.  Don't Drink the Water

9.  Mercy (First time this song was performed as a full band)

10.  Gaucho (First time this song was performed as a full band)

11.  Sweet (First time this song was performed as a full band)

12.  Crush

13.  You Never Know

14.  You and Me

15.  Stay or Leave

16.  Pantala Naga Pampa

17.  Rapunzel

Encore-

18.  Squirm

19.Grey Street

If you haven't seen DMB live, you are truly missing an amazing show.  The only concert that I have ever seen that is comparable to their show was Pink Floyd's in 1994.  You walk away from their concert wanting more.  Not because they didn't give you enough, but because their performance resonantes such energy and passion that you can never get enough.

I had to pop into Hobby Lobby for a couple items today (Yes, Hobby Lobby and just a couple of items....sad, I know) .  Anyway, I made my way to the register with my whopping four items, placed them on the counter and engaged in conversation with the cashier.  As we enjoyed our chit-chat we couldn't help but notice a foul-mouthed, lippy, nine or ten year old girl who kept smarting off to her mother.  Her mother informed her that, "It wasn't her first rodeo and that she should wait there."  (Pointing to a place away from where she was standing.)  The girl became affixed on the candy selection just within reach.  At that time she turned to her mother and said, "Hey!  Why don't you buy me one of these to shut me up?".

HOLY HELLO KITTY!  Did?  She?  Just?  Speak?  To? Her? Mother? THAT? Way???

I just kind of paused in amazement, my cashier and I both did.

I quickly picked my jaw off of the floor, gathered my bags and scurried out to the car, still stunned by the behavior and demands of that ill-mannered little girl.  Had that been me as a kid I think I would have been lucky to be able to sit down for a week after that shenanigans.  

I just knew that things would be different this time. 

I gave my body what is normally considered to be an optimal amount of time after a miscarriage before trying to conceive.

In early February my monthly visitor never arrived.  I started to feel that giddiness that you feel during early pregnancy.  I took one test, which was negative, waited a few days and took another test.  It was positive!  I want to say that I was over-the-moon excited, but I was nervous after having had a miscarriage.  After a quick discussion with my husband we decided to only tell our oldest son.  He can wrap his head around the idea that things may not work out as we'd hope and after our last miscarriage and the disappointment that the other kids felt when we lost that pregnancy we felt that it would be better to just let him know.  I felt fabulous.  The nausea was welcomed, the tiredness, the cravings and aversions, all of those feelings were welcomed.  I did, however decide to wait until I knew that we'd be able to see the baby and heartbeat before I went to the doctor.  I went in for my first appointment at 7 weeks and 2 days, where the normal labs and information was taken.  The doctor called back and told me that my HCG levels were huge.  She felt that  I was either further along or that I was pregnant with multiples.  My heart raced with excitement.  My labs were fantastic.  I wanted to be excited, but I was still scared.  She ordered an ultrasound for the very next morning.  I went to bed feeling blessed and thankful and overwhelmed with joy.

The next morning I woke up early and headed off to my ultrasound appointment.  I laid down on the table, anxiously awaiting the moment when I'd hear our babies heartbeat for the first time.  The ultrasound tech took all of her normal measurements before announcing that she could see the fetal pole.  She paused. You are measuring 6 weeks and 3 days, she said. She continued, I do not see a heartbeat.

I honestly felt a bit numb at that moment.  My previous miscarriages were what are called blighted ovums, where a gestational sac or sacs are present, but a baby isn't present.  This time a baby was present.  One that grew for only 6 weeks and 3 days and just stopped growing.  My doctors office called a bit later and explained that I should expect to miscarry yet again.

I cannot begin to pretend that I was not disappointed.  I even, for a week or two thought that somehow they were wrong.  You'd understand why I felt this way had I already blogged the story of my pregnancy with Hayden.  As disappointed as I was and really still kind of am I know that and believe that everything truly happens for a reason.  This little one was not meant to be.  It is just that simple and I will accept it for what it is.

Please forgive me if I have seemed unproductive in my posts.  I have taken the time necessary to wrap my head around all of this.  Now, I am back. Thanks for stickin' by me through thick and thin.  I truly love my readers, whether you are family, friends or folks who are simply joining me on my journey.

Our long awaited, much anticipated visit to Tookie's scored high marks from my husband, kiddos and of course myself.  We've been putting off our visit to this long-time favorite eatery since its grand opening, because as a family of six with a wheelchair bound kiddo who is often a wee bit on the loud side doesn't bode well in overly crowded restaurants.  We also try to visit during "off hours" so that in case Tori becomes a little vocal we are certain to NOT interrupt other diners.

Allow me to take a step back and bring a few of you up to speed.

My sister and I used to accompany our family to Tookie's when we were knee-high to ducklings.  I can remember the way Tookie's smelled as soon as we walked through the doors as the smell of handmade burgers greeted you.  I can vividly remember the decor which was very familiar to what you'd see Picker's picking from yard sales and their like -- Old light posts, street lights (One in particular featured a blue light).  I loved the feeling as a kid.  I loved seeing the beads of sweat form on my dad's head as he'd savor every bite of the spicy Stomp's Icehouse burger.  I knew that thing just had to be hot and have yet to take that one on (although last night I was tempted).  Let's put aside the fabulous burgers and get right to the onion rings for just a second.  These are by far the best onion rings that I had ever experienced as a child.

Along came hurricane Ike a few years ago, which engulfed Tookie's, a low-lying restaurant nestled in the coastal town of Seabrook, Texas  with what must've been four to five feet of water.  The doors swung closed and NEVER reopened for what seemed like way too long.  I suppose the old owner's were consumed and overwhelmed by the massive undertaking that putting everything back together again must've been.  In steps Barry Terrell, who clearly had a vision of bringing this staple eatery back to life.  Work was underway and the building was gutted and rebuilt, while still lending itself to shed the same vibe that it always did.  The Tookie's yellow and green still greets each guests the way it always did and the doors swung open for business.

We'd pass by countless times after the grand opening.  Each time the parking lot was PACKED.  Cars and people wrapped around the building.  You could feel the love and just knew that everything had to be just as delicious as it once was. 

Last night was THE  NIGHT.  We arrived at nearly eight o'clock, well past the rush of the dinner crowd, entered the building and were greeted in perfect Tookie's fashion.  Whisked off to our table, the smells that I remembered as a child wafted up to greet each of us.  Vicki, our server greeted us promptly.  Service was fantastic and the food was beyond amazing. Everyone picked their burger of choice very quickly, while I was stuck on my choice.  Did I choose the #99?  Did I dare to try the Stomp's Icehouse burger in honor of my dad who passed away a couple of years ago and would never savor that burger again?  Ultimately I could not resist the BBQ burger.  Folks, I made the perfect choice and was beyond satisfied.  There is something to be said for a fabulous burger, terrific onion rings, both enjoyed in a laid back atmosphere that takes you back to your childhood days.

I must say that, with over twenty-five years combined in the restaurant industry my husband and I aren't easily impressed with most of our dining experiences.  In this instance, however everything was spot on. 

If you haven't visited Tookie's since its reopening today's the day and if today won't work, go tomorrow.  Suffice to say we'll be back again and again and again and again......

(We actually dined at Tookie's last week.  It was just brought to my attention that this post did not publish accordingly to my blog.  Good news, the burgers, fries and onion rings are still fabulous, stop reading, start driving!!)

Dreams.

Tiny magical goals that we aspire to achieve.

--What we imagine as our destiny.

The voids that we desire to make whole.

A sequence of events that we envision.

Yet dreams are nothing without hope.

Hope.

Hope is the emotion that propels us forward.

Hope fuels our desires to continue the journey and make our dreams a reality.

Hope is deeply rooted within each of us -- in the fibers that make us who we are.

Hope enables greatness and the ability to conquer fears.

In the absence of hope, we needn't really dream.

Hope is the sustenance that nourishes perseverance.

Without hope we'd be empty.

Without dreams we'd be lost.

©Stephanie/LittleInsights2012

Yesterday we finally dedicated the day to taking down our Christmas trees and Christmas decorations (Four Christmas trees, wreaths galore, bows, pictures,  Christmas chotchkies , lights, crafts....all of it....well...except one tiny thing  that I'll show you tomorrow).  It is a lengthy process to de-Christmas, but one I never mind doing because I love the looks on our kids faces when we transform our home into their Christmas Wonderland.   Their future spouses won't even believe it when they begin to describe their childhood Christmases and I am totally up for demonstrating.    Seeing is believing!!! 

Of course when some decorations are tucked neatly into their storage boxes it is time to decorate all over again.  Bring on Valentine's Day, sweethearts!

This morning as I was serving the kids their breakfast Hannah initiated a conversation regarding the new year and how old everyone would be turning this year.  I stopped for a moment, listening as she rattled off the numbers, "So I will be eight, Tori will be eleven, Hayden will be five and Andrew will be thirteen.", she announced! 

Whoa! 

Whoa! 

Whoa! 

Hold it right there!

I demand a recount!

My first baby will be...th-th-thhhh-thirteen?!

Certainly not?!

Right?!

{SIGH}

Yes, yes he will be.  I recalculated the math...just in case she was horribly wrong on ALL accounts.

I remember my childhood taking what seemed like FOREVER, yet somehow watching my children grow seems like it is literally happening overnight.

As for this moment, this VERY moment right now I will cuddle with them (because they all still love cuddling with their Momma),  and I will savor right now, just as I always have because I have a feeling that this very topic of birthdays and ages will be replayed time and time again as my babies grow older each day.

Resolve  to  find  passion  so deep  that  it rocks  your  soul.  ...Then nurture it.  Embrace  it.  Enjoy it.

©Stephanie/LittleInsights2012

I could not imagine my life without my hubs and babies.  I pray that you all have someone, or many in your life that make you whole.

Resolve  to  laugh  every  single  day.  Good,  hearty  belly  laughs  are  the  best.

©Stephanie/LittleInsights2012

Resolve  to  be  great.  Greatness  can  be  found   in  abundance  within  each  of  us.

©Stephanie/LittleInsights2011

Resolve  to  claim  your  destiny.

©Stephanie/LittleInsights2011

Resolve   to  live  in harmony.

Resolve  to  love.

©Stephanie/LittleInsights2011

This time of the year is by far one of my favorites.  The family time, the decorations, festivities, Christmas movies, music, food,  more decorations, lights, crafts......

I truly love every moment of it, other than that feeling you get after you have loaded yourself with a plethora of junk foods, processed foods, foods high in saturated fat and sugar, or worse, the foods that contain a ton of artificial ingredients.  In years past we happily joined along in the Thanksgiving and Christmas feasts.  I've been cooking those HUGE meals for the last thirteen plus years, happily slaving away in the kitchen.  A light bulb turned on in my head this year...an epiphany of sorts....  Why the heck do people feel the need to binge on these holiday favorites when they are available all year long?  Sure, some things might be seasonal, so enjoy those very favorite items in moderation.  I physically cannot marathon-eat like some folks.  We are most definitely grazers here. 

Before Christmas this year I took a family poll.  I wanted to know what everyone's favorite food was at Christmastime.  Without skipping a beat I had two very strong votes for sausage cheese balls, my homemade mashed potatoes and gravy and cookies.  DONE!  That was what I prepared this Christmas, along with our usual whole fruits and veggies.  I must say that not one of us felt miserable throughout the day and all of us enjoyed our Christmas that much more because instead of spending hours in the kitchen we enjoyed even more hours together. 

I am all for Christmas and holiday traditions.  Rest assured this is one tradition I plan to uphold.

I Wish You.....

I wish you joy

...and peace.

Love

...and laughter.

I wish you happiness.

A cup that is always half-full.

I wish you all better than the best.

I wish you gorgeous sunrises...

and spectacular sunsets.

Inspiration and excitement.

Patience and understanding.

Times that are not trying.

Health.

I wish for your dreams to come true.

These, my blessed family and friends are my deepest wishes for you.

From our home to yours I'd like to wish you all a beautiful Christmas and Blessed New Year.

Love and Hugs,

Stephanie

The lady who is dressed in blue

She sits in the corner and she is watching you

A smile on her face

and a pink flower tucked in her hair

The lady who is dressed in blue

She is  watching you

....watching over you...

....Watching over you

Caught between this life and the next...

She purposefully sits in the corner

She sits there watching over you...

Continuing to watch when you are out just out of view...

Keeping watch as you play and when you are tucked into your bed each night.

That lady who is dressed in blue

with a pink flower in her hair has sworn to watching you

protecting you...

In the very same way she watches me too.

The way she always watched me...

The way she always protected me.

In her loving arms, no longer tangible

...she holds your hand as you journey through this life.

All from that corner where she sits in her chair

...watching you...

...protecting you...

Like most mommas, I have a picky eater on my hands.  My picky eater has a little brother who totally looks up to her.  For the record, Hannah hasn't always been so picky but in recent years she has decided that when we have spaghetti she prefers hers sans sauce of any kind.  Honestly, if she prefers plain pasta then it really isn't that big of a deal, except I'd hate for her taste buds to live a sheltered little existence. 

Tonight we were having pasta alfredo, black olives and fresh baked bread.  I decided that I'd play a little tricky-poo on my two youngest kiddos.  I served their plates, each with plain pasta, olives, bread and "dipping sauce" for their bread.  Internet -- You should have seen these two kids gobble up their bread with dipping sauce!

MMMM!

Yum!

This is soooo good mom!

Yummy!

Did I tell them it was the same sauce they usually turn their noses up to, you might ask.

Heck-to-the-no I didn't!

Like most mommas, I have a picky eater on my hands.  My picky eater has a little brother who totally looks up to her.  For the record, Hannah hasn't always been so picky but in recent years she has decided that when we have spaghetti she prefers hers sans sauce of any kind.  Honestly, if she prefers plain pasta then it really isn't that big of a deal, except I'd hate for her taste buds to live a sheltered little existence. 

Tonight we were having pasta alfredo, black olives and fresh baked bread.  I decided that I'd play a little tricky-poo on my two youngest kiddos.  I served their plates, each with plain pasta, olives, bread and "dipping sauce" for their bread.  Internet -- You should have seen these two kids gobble up their bread with dipping sauce!

MMMM!

Yum!

This is soooo good mom!

Yummy!

Did I tell them it was the same sauce they usually turn their noses up to, you might ask.

Heck-to-the-no I didn't!

Tonight as I sit here, a turkey ready to be placed into the oven, the ingredients for all of our favorite holiday recipes waiting in an organized line before their preparation I sit here feeling thankful and blessed. 

I am thankful for my family, for my friends, for the men and women who serve our country each and every day.  As I sit across the table from my family I will certainly remember those who are protecting our country so that we can enjoy many-a-holiday in the comforts of our home in a land that is protected by the brave men and women who are willing to sacrifice all to protect us.  I am thinking of the families that sit around their tables absent a loved one as they serve our country.

I pray that each of you finds even the simplest things to be thankful for this holiday season.  Without acknowledging those tiniest blessings we often miss the biggest reasons to be thankful.   May your holiday seasons be happy a bright.

So, yesterday Hannah writes a letter to the tooth fairy (She prefers dictating versus writing so this was a HUGE deal)- Her letter reads:

Dear Tooth Fairy,

Tonight I want gold coins please.  The tooth was really hard to get out and it hurt a lot.

Thank you very much.

Love,

Hannah

(After work yesterday my husband made a special trip to the bank to retrieve said "GOLD COINS".)

Last night I was wrapping up a few last minute projects after we had tucked the kids into their beds, therefore I was the last one into the shower.  While in the shower, I asked my hubs if all of the kids were asleep. When he told me that we officially had four sleeping kiddos I reminded him about that "THING" that we needed to do.  You know....that thing where he gracefully slips into his set of tooth fairy wings, flutters down the hall and slips "GOLD COINS" into the pocket of one particular tooth fairy pillow, removes the aforementioned letter and tooth and flutters ever so delicately out of the room without making a peep.

I shall give you one guess what never happened last night.

The tooth fairy didn't come!

[GASP] What?! 

Hannah scurried down the ladder of her bunk bed, and into the living room with her tooth in hand, "Mom, the tooth fairy didn't come."

What?

"The tooth fairy didn't come." [With a very long face and look of devastation.]

Thank goodness I was thinking on my toes....

"Did I remember to tell you to put the tooth nearest the elephant and gently rub?", I asked her.

"No.", she replied as she scurried off to grab her tooth fairy elephant pillow.

We rearranged the tooth in the pocket, rubbed it gently and have officially set it out...AGAIN for the tooth fairy to grace us with her presence this evening!  I think I'll be dusting off my wings this evening.  That look of devastation just about killed me this morning! 

Day 1 - Today I am thankful for by husband who loves me unconditionally, knows me better than any other person in the entire world, serves as my husband, lover, best friend, confidant, soul mate, partner.......

Day 2 - I am thankful for my four absolutely beautiful and wonderful blessings-my babies.  I could not imagine my life without my children.  I pray that in this lifetime I can teach them at least half of what they have taught me.

Day 3 - I am thankful  for my family and friends.  For laughter and tears and laughter to the point of tears.

Day 4 - I am thankful for my cameras and for the fact that I am able to capture memories of a small moment in time that will last forever.

Day 5 - I am thankful for paint!!   Yes, I said it, I AM thankful for paint.  I love to create something new out of something old.  Time and time again, over and over I am in awe of the magical powers of paint.

Day 6 - I am thankful  for music.

Day 7 - I am thankful for belly laughs....big hearty belly laughs....

Tonight, while having dinner Hannah tells me that she REALLY wants her 2nd top front tooth out because it HuRRRRRts.  I console her, as any mom would and tell her that it will be out soon.  Without skipping a beat my friend who was visiting proceeds to tell her about other children who are receiving "gold coins" for their teeth.  HOLY CRAP!  Talk about putting a mom and dad on the spot.  I haven't any Sacagawea coins handy at the moment.  Not only do I not have them readily available at this hour , the last time I requested some from the local bank they hadn't a clue what I was talking about.  Yes....Seriously....the teller hadn't a clue what a Sacagawea dollar was!  Now, as she sits here praying for her tooth to fall out and for the tooth fairy to bring her "gold coins", I am dusting off my tooth fairy wings and praying like crazy that the tooth doesn't fall out until I can get my hands on a few Sacagawea dollars! 

Better yet, I think I should add up all of the teeth that are yet to be lost so I can just keep that number of coins on hand.....

I wish I could say that I wasn't one of "THOSE" people, but I must admit that as a result of the move I am forced to unpack boxes and face the reality that at some point in my life something happened and I started to keep about 90 percent of, well, EVERYTHING!

I could literally recreate my children's nurseries because I have saved everything.  Like most things there is an event, or maybe even a series of events in life that creates the desire to save everything.  I have always been a very tactile person.  I love to recollect a memory and actually have something tangible that coincides with that memory.  One memory turns into two, which turns into a million, then ten million.  The item starts as just one, then two, then a million, then ten million items.  A shrine. An homage to my entire life and to my children's lives.

My other problem is the fact that I love upcycling and recycling old things and creating new things.  Hobby collector, perhaps?  

As I sort through this "stuff" I am finally at a point where I am embracing the stupidity and insanity of thinking that I need to keep every. single. thing.  It is really ridiculous.

I have donated tons of stuff before, believe it or not and I can't wait for the day to turn my trash into a little cash, along with donating a ton more to local charities!

What do you hoard collect?